finding joy in movement: my journey with exercise and fitness

Lately I’ve been thinking about how I approach exercise and moving my body. This year I’ve thrown myself back into running, usually on the treadmill at the gym, trying to improve my stamina and embracing this kind of energy outlet. Over the last six years, since my first year at university, I’ve worked through a relationship with fitness that ebbs and flows between seeing it as pushing my body to the absolute maximum (which certainly isn’t fitness’s sole characterisation) and a way to tweak my body’s appearance- all in all, a means to an end.

But recently my thoughts around exercise and fitness have changed, I’m dispelling the old ways of thinking and looking at it as celebrating my body’s capabilities and enjoying the movement itself, an end in itself. It doesn’t have to be striving for a personal best, getting my heart rate up- it can be moving the muscles slowly, ‘stretching the legs’ by going for a walk, slow swimming, which I love. Not going to the gym because I feel I ‘have to’, but going when I want to, when I’ll actually enjoy it.

But before I go into this a little further, I’ll give a little background into my changing relationship to physical exercise. In the last few years of school, with the absence of PE lessons and the ever-increasing, all-consuming demands of exams and schoolwork, my fitness level dropped considerably. My life was most often spent stationary- at a desk, in a car if I was going somewhere, sitting still in my free time- and the idea of moving my body dropped off my radar. My confidence in my body and its capabilities dropped, but the summer before university I decided to take things into my own hands, and regain some level of fitness, beyond struggling to climb an incline on a family walk.

I decided to start running - and at first I couldn’t run more than a hundred metres without needing to stop and get my breath back. But I persevered, determined to feel a little fitter and remove the stiff feeling when I tried to put one foot in front of the other. Once I started university, I walked from my halls to campus, introducing movement into each day, and I began increasing my jogging distance. By the summer of my first year, I was feeling better in myself and had started to get my mojo back in regards to my body and its capabilities.

Yet this didn’t come without struggles. It was easy to submerge myself in feelings of comparison with others around me, and feel inadequate, even though I was making progress. Seeing people complete quicker runs than me on the Strava app, even though they were on their own individual fitness journeys and I knew it wasn’t an opportunity for comparison, was a difficult hurdle to face while I built up my confidence. I was often seeing exercise through the wrong lens- to make my body appear ‘fitter’, to always be ‘better’ at my runs instead of celebrating every achievement I made when I put my running shoes on. This took motivation in itself- and I didn’t have to be quicker than my previous time to feel like I’d done well. I’d gotten up and pushed myself a little, which was always something to be proud of.

Until last winter, this remained my attitude towards exercise. It erroneously and completely encompassed cardio and pushing my body to its limits, to be even ten seconds faster than last time, to feel fitter by completely tiring myself out for the remainder of the day. It was only rewarding to me after I had finished, and looked at the numbers. I was placing too much pressure on myself and not thinking about the enjoyment of the activity itself. And I realised that this needed to change.

Over the past few months especially, I’ve been changing the way I approach exercise, and how my body can feel good through various means of movement. I’ve disputed the mindset that it needs to be ‘all or nothing’ goal-setting (it can be sometimes if I feel like challenging myself), but instead a way to enjoy trying new things and be kinder to my body, and celebrating what it can do. After a conversation with my dad about stretching the muscles and looking after your agility and flexibility in even minor ways while you’re young, beginning with simple, low-demand stretches, I thought more about caring for my muscles and enjoy their capabilities now. I won’t be young forever, so I should enjoy every element of movement while I can.

I started small exercise routines to stimulate my muscles, many of which hadn’t been given proper attention since I was much younger- so at first it was difficult, but it became easier each time. I chose stretches that felt good, that I enjoyed doing at this level of fitness, not the more advanced ones that felt too much, and enjoy moving my body slowly, consciously, avoiding any over-exertion. I have been to a flock of yoga classes when I feel like I need a relaxing, slow experience of movement, and in these classes I only do what feels comfortable, without pressure, to gain what I want from the session.

I also remembered how much I enjoy swimming, the pure joy I get from being in flowing water (what can I say, I’m a water sign). And so I began to sporadically go swimming, not particularly to swim fast lengths and get my heart rate going, but to enjoy the pure feeling of travelling through water, amidst the clean, sharp scent of  the chlorinated ripples and the sensation of a weightlessness, which is so relaxing to me.

I began finding joy in movement- true, there is often a feeling of wellbeing and accomplishment afterwards, but I was searching for an inner peace during the activity, a lack of pressure, a lack of ‘means to an end’. Ie: I’m here, I’m allowing my body to move in new and familiar ways, and I feel good in this moment. And I don’t need to achieve any personal bests or meet any goals to feel good about myself.

With running, my stamina has improved considerably - after six years of putting one foot in front of the other, and recently of enjoying the feeling of freedom this gives, I’m now able to run longer distances without stopping, and I’ll only push myself if and when it feels good, without overexerting myself. I play my favourite music, making an enjoyable, totalising experience for myself, which I actually have fun doing in the moment! I’ve got myself to the point where running, whether it’s a shorter spurt or a slower jog, is fun and gives me the endorphins to inspire myself and experience joy as I go. The other day, a One Direction song came on on shuffle and gave me a little boost and I realised I wanted (and was able to without strain) to go a little faster, and in the middle of the gym, I was openly grinning about how good that felt. Forget ‘no pain, no gain’, I can enjoy how good movement can feel without putting myself too much through the paces. (The song was 'Girl Almighty’ if anyone was wondering)

I feel like I’ve made progress in choosing to exercise mindfully. To think about what my body might benefit from, whether that’s getting rid of stiffness after a day of desk work by going for a leisurely saunter around my neighbourhood, or feeling strong after going for a jog or a swim. I’m so grateful in these experiences that my body allows me to have, that I can enjoy all the sensations of walking, running, swimming, stretching. And I’m trying to make it a part of my life each day - unless there’s a day when my body needs to rest and be still. I don’t need to feel guilty about being still if that’s what I feel it needs.

When thinking about a ‘means to an end’, the only end should be continuing to inspire and motivate myself to find joy in movement and my body’s capabilities. I’m no track athlete or professional runner, and I can’t do a sit up to save my life, but I celebrate what I can do, and I’m building my fitness levels in a way that is rewarding and non-pressurising. As long as I feel good, and healthy, my body doesn’t need to look a certain way. I don’t need toned muscles, I don’t have anything to prove with my appearance- it’s about how I feel, and staying healthy, in a healthy way.

This journey isn’t over, as I have to quell any unhelpful, old thoughts that occasionally enter my brain- it takes time and fluctuates, but I’m in a much better place when I think about exercise and health. I enjoy moving my body, I’m mindful of what feels good and what my body would benefit from. I celebrate what I can do and the body I’ve been given, while I’m young and I’m experiencing less limits on what I’m able to do. That’s all I want it to be. It has taken time and effort to change my mindset, but I’ve made real progress and I’m proud of it. Fitness begins in the mind, and for me it will always remain that way.